A Turn of the Page

Chronicling a dream: day by day. The journey of one girl's goal to write a novel in 100 days.

Anonymous asked: You're going to do great.

Thank you!

I’m Still Around

How is everyone doing on this lovely Thursday?  Wishing it was really Friday, and done with the work week like me, right? 

I’m so sorry for the long delay in updating.  You probably don’t know, since I haven’t updated it yet, but the full exclusive I had from an agent was a no.  She didn’t really give me any feedback except that she thought the dialogue was choppy.  After that rejection, it was kind of hard to take, and I just put my book aside and almost completely gave up. 

I resounded myself to the fact that no one will ever like my novel.  It’s too hard to try and change everything now, especially when I don’t really even know what’s so wrong with it. 

I just felt so exhausted and alone and beaten.  It’s a heart-breaking feeling, to completely lose all sense of hope.  I was at the bottom.  I had entered another writing contest, and didn’t advance past round 2 (everyone makes it through round 1).  My first story didn’t even place and my second story placed close to the bottom.  It was also another blow because I felt like both my stories were strong, but it just wasn’t in the cards.

My book sat on my bookshelf, and I didn’t touch it for months.  It wasn’t until a couple weeks ago that I actually decided to work on it again.  It was hard.  Just thinking about how to restructure a book seems daunting.  I know there are kinks, but I know I need to make my beginning better, so I did.  I threw out the first 3 chapters of my story and completely changed it.  It was hard, to let go of some characters and what I thought was a strong beginning, and to stare at a blank page once again.   But, I’ve now started and it feels refreshing.  It feels like I’m looking at an entirely different novel.  I’m going to continue to edit what I have, then it’s back to the querying board once more. 

Writing is hell.  Being a writer is hell.  It’s liberating, yet suffocating.  It’s happy, yet sad.  It’s heart-warming, yet tragic.  It’s everything, yet nothing.

But, is it worth it?

Hell yes!

It’s always worth it to be heard; to convey to others how you feel, what you think, through stories and novels.

I plan on updating this blog more regularly now.  Even if no one reads this, it’s a good way to get out my frustrations and feelings that I have during my tumultuous affair with the written word.

C’est la vie!

Jen

Emotional Roller Coaster

I’m feeling pretty emotional tonight, more so than I have in a while.  Every writer knows it’s almost impossible to separate your own emotions from your writing.  And even if you’re able to, then the work will be lacking because that’s such an important building block of a good story.

If you can’t cry, laugh, scream, or whatever emotion the piece your writing is trying to evoke, then how do you expect anyone else to?

No one will care about your work as much as you do.  That’s a given.  It’s your baby.  Your sweat and tears.  Even if you don’t particularly like it, it’s still yours and when someone says something negative, it’s hard not to get defensive and try and make them see differently.

But as a writer, you have to understand that you’re not going to please everyone.  The goal here is to make sure that enough people like it so that you can be heard, that your writing can be seen.

I can’t avoid the panic attacks that have decided to rear their ugly head lately.  I’m under so much stress at the moment.  Over worked and under payed, trying to buy my first house, writing contests, and not to include waiting around to hear what the agent who has my exclusive has to say.  It’s all so much, it’s really hard to juggle. 

I want nothing more than to be a writer.  I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.  Not only is it my passion, but it will be a way for me to help take care of my family and to share with the world my thoughts and ideas (which are bountiful!)  I’m starving to be heard, and I see no other platform for me than with my writing.

I know I’m not Shakespeare, or Edgar Allen Poe, but I’m a writer, through and through, and I know I can craft a good story.   I feel it deep within my soul.  I just need that one person who can make things happen believe in me.  With their help, I can do it.  Unfortunately, this job isn’t something I can do alone.  I need an agent, or a publisher, to feel like I have what it takes.

It’s during these times when I really start to freak out.  I always think the worst.  What if I never find an agent?  What if everyone hates it?  What if I’m stuck at my dead-end job for the rest of my life doing what I hate?  What if I’m never able to support myself financially, to really make it out there on my own? 

Errr, the self-doubt is eating me alive!  I want, no NEED, it to go away.  I need something good to come my way.  Someone other than friends and family to say you’ve got it.  I know I don’t need others approval to know I’m a writer.  I wake up thinking about writing and go to sleep thinking about writing, and I’m often even dreaming about writing.  I KNOW I’m a writer, but I also want to be a writer that other people want to read.  That my ideas and thoughts and creative thinking can reach the masses.  It’s something I know every writer wishes will happen for them.

Maybe I’m being selfish, but dammit, it’s my turn.  It’s time for me to stand out among my peers; to finally have something good happen in my life.  I’ve waited around while everyone around me has fulfilled many of their dreams, as their lives have taken shape in the form of families or careers, and now it’s my turn.  I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am today, and while I may not have much to show for it, I’ve grown as a person and I’m due. 

I want to prove to all the people who said I couldn’t do it, for all my friends who still think I can’t (And I know there are many who say that I will, but I know they truly don’t believe in me) that I CAN DO IT.  I will become a published author.  I will have people talking about my book, and one day, my book will grace the pages of the New York Times Bestseller List, then for once in my life I can tell people “I told you so”.

Sorry for the very personal rantings today.  Like I said, I’m feeling emotional, and I needed to get this off my chest.  I know every writer out there struggles through this same stuff, and if you strive for what you want and you work hard, it will happen.  I truly believe that and one of these days, I’ll matter enough, that you’ll listen to what I have to say.

-Jen

NaNoWriMo

So, I’ve decided to do NaNoWriMo this year.  I’ve been wanting to write this middle grade novel idea, and I thought this would be a great way.  Especially while I wait for the exclusive to be up. 

I tried to do this once about three years ago, but didn’t get very far, so I’m hoping this year I’ll have more drive and motivation to finish it up.

I find out tomorrow at 5pm how I placed in round 1 of the Flash Fiction Competition.  I really hope I did well, but I automatically make it to round 2, since the first round is really a combination of Round 1 and Round 2 stories.  I would like to get a lot of points for Round 1, since I have no idea what Round 2 will be about and I felt pretty confident about my story submission for Round 1.

I’m also looking into publishing my short stories in some anthologies or journals.  I signed up for Duotrope, which is a site that is supposed to help you find, enter, and track all the places that accept entries.  It also tells you how much they pay and their rejection/acceptance rate.  

Well, not much more to report on the novel front, seeing as how I’m stuck in limbo until I hear back from the agency.  They said 7 to 8 weeks.  It’s been almost 4, so I’m halfway there!

-Jen

Followers, I need you help!

oceansilhouette:

oceansilhouette:

oceansilhouette:

oceansilhouette:

peaceisutopia:

My sister is trying to get her short story she wrote on amazon more views so it can make a great impression on a few agencies that has the book she wrote. If you all could go to the link below and purchase her story (it’s only $0.99!) and possibly leave a review about your thoughts on it! It is a great story and she is a very talented and amazing writer!

Let’s try to get this post around tumblr and hopefully make her dreams come true!

This is what she had to say: 

"Hey Everyone! I’m doing another round of promoting for my short story right now. I currently have three major agencies reading my novel, and more sales and reviews on my published work will really make a difference! Please take a moment out of your busy day and support an up-and-coming writer! Only $0.99 and anyone with a computer can read the story-you do not have to have a kindle! All you need is the kindle app, which can be downloaded for free on any PC/Mac, Ipad/Tablet, or any smartphone. If you’ve already purchased the story, please head over to amazon.com and leave a review! This really means a lot and hopefully this will help to get my novel published and in stores! Thanks!"

It would mean so much! Thank you all!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008B4EEJK/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk

DO IT AND EVERYONE WILL GET HUGS.

Please? :( if not just reblog it?

image

image

STOP DON’T SCROLL PASS IT D:

image

Look you made him cry. ): 

DOO EETTTT

Ok, ok you guys are playing hard to get so starting monday 10/21 it will be free for two days. So give it a read please and thank you? D: Just give it a chance!!

Come on its free, download it and tell us what you think!!

Followers, I need you help!

oceansilhouette:

oceansilhouette:

peaceisutopia:

My sister is trying to get her short story she wrote on amazon more views so it can make a great impression on a few agencies that has the book she wrote. If you all could go to the link below and purchase her story (it’s only $0.99!) and possibly leave a review about your thoughts on it! It is a great story and she is a very talented and amazing writer!

Let’s try to get this post around tumblr and hopefully make her dreams come true!

This is what she had to say: 

"Hey Everyone! I’m doing another round of promoting for my short story right now. I currently have three major agencies reading my novel, and more sales and reviews on my published work will really make a difference! Please take a moment out of your busy day and support an up-and-coming writer! Only $0.99 and anyone with a computer can read the story-you do not have to have a kindle! All you need is the kindle app, which can be downloaded for free on any PC/Mac, Ipad/Tablet, or any smartphone. If you’ve already purchased the story, please head over to amazon.com and leave a review! This really means a lot and hopefully this will help to get my novel published and in stores! Thanks!"

It would mean so much! Thank you all!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008B4EEJK/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk

DO IT AND EVERYONE WILL GET HUGS.

Please? :( if not just reblog it?

image

image

STOP DON’T SCROLL PASS IT D:

image

Look you made him cry. ): 

DOO EETTTT

(via peaceisutopia)

FIRST FULL REQUEST!!!

Yeah, this topic today required an all caps title!  I can now say that I’ve officially been asked to send a full manuscript over to an agency.

I’m hoping that this will be the time when things will change.  I hope that they read my novel and really love it, or at least see potential, enough that they’re willing to work with me to get it in complete shape for publication.

In just a few days from now, I will see where I rank in the Flash Fiction competition for round one.

I’m thinking about putting together a collection of short stories to sell on Amazon.  I’ve written quite a few recently from all the contests I’ve entered, and it’d be nice to do something with them.

I could really use everyone’s help right now.  I’m trying to increase the number of downloads and the ranking of my short story to help with the agencies that are reading my story.  If everyone could support me and buy my short story, Thirteen, over at Amazon.com, I’d really, really appreciate it!  Help support me in my dreams!

Thank you everyone! 

I hope to have amazing news soon!

-Jen